


Breaking your own heart

by Iuliel



Category: Dungeons & Dragons (Roleplaying Game), Dungeons & Dragons - All Media Types
Genre: Drunk Sex, I just really needed to get this out of my system ok, M/M, One Night Stands, Sexual Content, awkward boys, feelings happen, they do the do, they fuck up, what do I tag this nobody even cares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-03
Updated: 2018-01-03
Packaged: 2019-02-27 22:56:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13258350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iuliel/pseuds/Iuliel
Summary: “Felix.”It's nothing but a whisper of your name, you feel the gust of breath more than you actually hear him, but it's enough to make you quieten down. The initial rush fades as you nip at his lips, lap the remaining taste of wine off of them until you taste nothing but him, smell nothing but him.“I've got you.”





	Breaking your own heart

**Author's Note:**

> Unbetaed, English isn't my first language.
> 
> Featuring my first OC in the D&D fandom, none of this will probably make sense unless you know about what happened before that night. I just really wanted to write down what happened and get all those feelings out of my system. That's it. 
> 
> Man, I've gotten rusty at writing, but I tried.

„Where's _your_ room?”

It's a quiet ask for affirmation, for permission. Green eyes meet yours, surprise flickers across his tanned features but there's no rejection to be found. If anything, there's uncertainty. You both know that you could easily find your way through the halls, even tipsy and unfocused as you are after the few glasses of wine you've had. If you wanted to, you could find the guest room and 'sleep it off', this silly infatuation, this weakness. In fact, that's what you should be doing instead of- this. Whatever _this_ is.

But then he smiles and your resolve crumbles.

It's not very far, you know, because you _do_ remember where his room was. Fingers brush against yours during the short walk and you find you cannot help the small smile tugging at the corners of your lips. You don't talk and neither does he and the quiet tunes of the music playing in the distance follow you all the way until he finally opens the door to his private room for you.

His eyes meet yours again as you pass him by and cross the threshold and there's something in there that's almost too soft. It makes you tremble with want, with the utter need to feel him close and wipe it off his face, but instead you glance through his room. It's a habit you never quite learned to let go, even in a situation like this and behind yourself, you can hear him draw a shaky breath.

He's nervous and to be completely honest, so are you. But when he follows you inside, you decide to not only meet him in the middle, but to take action completely. The door falls shut behind him and when he turns to you, eyes downcast and words already bubbling from his lips, no doubt another bout of drunken rambling, you reach for him.

Your hands find his cheeks and his face is hot beneath your touch as you tilt it up. You've always been better with actions than with words and that's what you do as you push him back against the very door you've just come through. Breath leaves his lungs at the impact and he gasps, but whether it's surprise or something else, you do not know. Nor do you care, because the hands that come up to grab your elbow and the front of your shirt, draw you in, they do not push you away.

It's a rushed kiss, all pent up energy and nerves, relief to still be alive after the journey you've been through. Surina had said to enjoy the moment, enjoy the night... enjoy the feeling of being alive. And when he makes that small sound at the back of his throat and tilts his head up to kiss you back just as enthusiastically, that's exactly how you feel: Alive.

Fingers of one hand sliding down his throat, you can feel the fluttering pulse beneath and it makes you smirk, giddy with excitement and the knowledge that he's not off any better than you. You push where he pulls and teeth scratch across your lips in the haste of getting closer. Nimble fingers squeeze between your bodies, find the buttons of the borrowed shirt and undo them and soon you can feel warm fingers slide across your chest. You let him push it off over your shoulders, let go of him for a moment long enough to drag the sleeves off of your arms. And when you search for him again, his arms are across your shoulders and behind your neck, pulling you down at the same time that you duck in for another kiss.

You bend down far enough to grab him around the thighs, palms sliding to the back of them. With another breathless noise uttered into your hungry kiss, he takes the hint and holds on tighter, lets you hoist him up. Another bang as his back meets the door once again and this time you're close enough to feel him in all the right places and it tears a moan out of you. Fingers find their way to the back of your head, thread through ginger locks and hold on there.

“Felix.”

It's nothing but a whisper of your name, you feel the gust of breath more than you actually hear him, but it's enough to make you quieten down. The initial rush fades as you nip at his lips, lap the remaining taste of wine off of them until you taste nothing but _him_ , smell nothing but _him._

“I've got you.”

Apparently it's the right thing to say, because he gasps and tilts his head far enough for you to bury your nose and lips into the side of his throat, breathing and licking your way across the heated skin. The fist in your hair tightens and then you hear him say “Bed.” in a husky tone.

It's a quiet command, one that you follow through with ease as you carry him all the way across the room. Lips once again joined, you can feel him smile and you chuckle with giddiness at how perfect his body fits against yours. It's cheesy, like something out of those stupid love novels that Alexa sometimes reads, but you can't help the thought.

Knees hitting against something soft, you give a noise of warning before you bend down to drop him onto the mattress. Kicking off your boots, you follow him as he uncoordinatedly climbs up all the way across it, one hand at the back of your neck, unwilling to part from you even long enough to get comfortable. Your noses bump and teeth clash, but it makes you both laugh quietly at how clumsy the whole ordeal is. It's mostly by instinct that his legs part for you, make room for one of your knees to settle inbetween.

One elbow placed next to his head as to not crush him beneath your weight, it takes you longer to unbutton the fancy shirt with your only free hand, but you manage and your lips and tongue follow their path. Dance across the freed skin to nip and tease and taste him until he's gripping your shoulder, gasping.

“Up.”

It doesn't take long to get him out of the offending fabric once he sits up, and then he drops on his back with a grunt, green eyes dark with want and lips swollen. You smirk down at him where you're crouched over him and your own lips part to let out a pleased sigh. Hands find your hip and your elbow and he's impatient, tugs at them. You want to let him have his way, want to cater to his every need if that means he's going to continue to look at you like you mean the world to him, even if only just for tonight.

Knees bent, you further settle your weight on them and then rub your hands all the way across the revealed skin, starting at the v of his hip bones up across a belly that trembles beneath your touch. When Mica takes a stuttered breath once the tips of your fingers brush by his sides, just a little under his ribcage, your eyes snap up to his face. He squirms, both trying to get away from your touch and reluctant to part from it and you chuckle.

“Ticklish?”

The glare he throws your way should be offending, but the blushing cheeks and ruffled hair ruin the effect. Still, you decide against teasing him further and instead continue your path over his chest. Fingers momentarily get caught by hardened nipples and it makes him moan and flinch. His hip jerks up and so does one of his knees and when his thigh presses against your backside, you use that leverage to lean forward.

By now you know that he wants to pull you closer again when his hands come up to grab your arm, but you don't let him. Starting at his chest, you dip your fingers into his armpits and push and he gets the hint as he puts them above his head.

It's a slow descent. The further you drag your hands up his arms, over his toned triceps and the less tanned insides of his underarms, the more you sink down on his lithe body. He sighs at the skin on skin contact and by the time that you intertwine your fingers with his, you're chest to chest, hip to hip and he's tilting his chin up.

“Felix-” Another breathless plea and how could you deny him?

At the swipe of your tongue against his lips, they part for you and you delve in, holding on tight to his hands. They clench and unclench, showing slight signs of distress only to relax a second later. You know he could throw you off if he really wanted to, but he doesn't. Snaps his hips up instead, because apparently he knows how to play this game and this time it's you, who moans into the kiss, as he rubs his thigh against where most of your blood has pooled to.

Another few moments pass and though you've proceeded slowly earlier, the way you're moving against each other becomes more rushed with each passing second. Until finally you let go of one of his hands, so you can squeeze a hand inbetween the mattress and him, press against the small of his back and guide him into the clothed thrusts.

He's panting, you both are, but you're still trying to kiss him messily, muffling your own moans in the process. And then his free hand is at the lacing of your trousers, undoing it hastily and you only manage to turn your head and bury it in the slope of his neck before he curls fingers around your heated flesh. It tears a startled groan out of you and makes something flash before your eyes. Perhaps it has been too long since the touch of another, perhaps it's because the slow but firm way he drags his hand up your length is just _right_. It takes you a moment to realize he's tugging at his other hand, trying to break free.

You let him, settle your weight on your elbow instead and thus give him more room to properly stroke you. There are fingers in your hair now, carding in a somewhat soothing manner, though they pull at the strands when you tilt your head just enough to press your mouth against the side of his neck. It puts the right kind of ideas into your mind, because when you start licking and sucking and _biting_ at the sensitive skin, he chokes and his grip on you briefly falters.

He lets you tease the skin until it reddens and when you sit up just enough to inspect your work, he's flushed and squirming. “Felix, please- I, I need..” Your eyes meet and he falls silent.

“Relax.”, you reply, voice low and he takes a deep, shaking breath. “I told you, I've got you.” You reach for the hand curled around your length and place a quick kiss on the knuckles before dropping it to his stomach. “How about you let me take care of you, hm?”

There's that vulnerability again and before you let it get to your head, you return the favour by unlacing his trousers and curling your fingers in the waistband of them and his underwear. Another quick glance towards green eyes but there's no protest and he raises his slender hips so you can pull them both down and off. A hand on his knee and he parts his legs for you, lets you kneel between them.

It's not the first time you see him naked – and yes, you _have_ been looking, might as well admit it to yourself – but it's the first time you can run your hands up firm thighs, dig thumbs into the soft skin and enjoy the way he shakes beneath your touch. Sighing, he flops back on his back and runs both of his hands through messy blond tresses and it's when he looks away that you spit into your hand and wrap your fingers around his length.

The reaction is immediate as he jolts, eyes flying open and a moan tumbling from his lips.

There's no hesitation in the way you tend to him, you're used to having a dick in your hand and even if it has been a while since it has been anyone's but yours, you still know what he needs right now. Long firm strokes, spreading what little wetness you find at the tip and before long, his thighs press against yours the more you pick up the pace.

You would have been perfectly fine catering to him like this and you can tell he's close with how he's thrusting into your hand. When he touches your wrist and whispers “Stop” so desperately, at first you believe you've misheard him, until he repeats himself a little louder. You slow down and shoot him a confused look, but he's already sitting up to dig through one of the drawers of the bedside table. It's covered in various books and scrolls, but before you have more time to inspect the chaos, he pulls out a small bottle filled with amber liquid and holds it out to you.

“I-” His voice breaks and he flushes, eyes darting away until you drag your thumb over the slick tip of his cock, making him gasp. “I want to _feel_ you.”

It's about the only explanation you get, but it's enough and you smile and lean down to kiss him while taking the item from him. He sighs then, content and relieved and settles back against the pillow. Uncorking the bottle uncovers some kind of oil that you warm between your fingers before you use it to open him up, bit by bit, finger by finger, taking your sweet time. By the time that you're done he's close to sobbing, pushing back against your fingers and even then or especially then, he's almost too beautiful.

“Please- please, I, I _need_ you.. Felix, _please_.”

You withdraw so you can get rid of your pants and he protests loud enough to make your fingers shake as you shed the last remaining fabric on your body before crawling between his legs again. He spreads them, pulls you closer with feet against the small of your back.

It takes a little more fumbling but then you're gently thrusting into that blissful heat, sliding deeper with each push, pausing when his hand on your shoulder tightens and proceeding when he moans. You gather him in your arms once you're fully seated, peppering kisses along the side of his neck where your marks have turned darker by now. He relaxes, eventually and after that it gets easier to find a rhythm you can both enjoy. It does help that he's vocal about what he likes and what he doesn't, but it's also not until you wrap your oil-slicked hand around his cock that he comes undone beneath you.

You're not far behind, a few hard thrusts that he's bound to feel the next day and then you're spilling and collapsing on top of him, riding your high.

When you come to, he's sleepily carding through your hair, panting and sweating and _grinning_ in such a sated and smug way, that you know you will not get out of your head for a long time. You're both still panting and for a moment, it's all you can do. Stare down at this wonderful man, commit his flushed face to memory. Then you smile and he returns it and you both kiss, long and slow, lacking the initial passion but heavy with utter satisfaction.

The past day's events creep up on you and you can feel the tiredness in your bones, but the least you can do is to clean you both up, so that's what you do. Equipped with a damp towel you wipe him clean, ignoring his protests and smirk sleepily at his closed eyes. When you return from the bathroom a minute later, you're sure he's fallen asleep already.

You pause, standing by the side of the bed and gaze down at him but then he rolls over and reaches for your wrist, tugs you down to lay beside him. And you let him. Ignore the way heat blossoms in your chest when he curls up next to you, tips of his fingers cool on your heated skin.

The world outside the bedroom door can wait for another few hours.

x x x

It turns out, not many hours pass until the next time you reach consciousness, because when you sleepily blink your eyes open, it's still dark outside. You're confused and anything but well rested, but the reason for your awakening makes itself known in form of lips peppering kisses along your neck and shoulders. At some point you've rolled over onto your side and he's curled up behind you, one arm around your side.

And just as your brain starts to catch up on the previous events, you notice he's stroking you and pressing his own rather prominent erection against your arse. It startles a moan out of you and his grip on you becomes firmer.

“Are you awake?” His voice is low and you can feel that hot breath at your ear, making you shiver as you're torn between your body's need for more and your mind's urge to shake the sleepiness off.

“Yeah.. I'm up.” You sound hoarse even to your own ears, voice still thick with sleep and when he mouths at your shoulder, you can feel him trying to hide a snicker.

“So am I.”, he replies, clearly amused at his own joke and presses his erection harder against you. You snort at that and close your eyes, enjoy the feeling of him lazily pumping you to full hardness and rubbing himself against you. It's not before long until you're both panting and you think, it's nice to be taken care of like that.

“Let me.”, he whispers and your eyes snap open, baffled, and as you turn to look at him, he withdraws and puts his free hand on your shoulder. Pushes you on your back and climbs on top, spreading his legs so he can kneel over you. There's barely enough time to grab him by the hips before he sinks down on your cock, slick and loose enough to take you in.

The sound that leaves you is embarrassingly close to a whimper.

You're perplexed, pleasantly surprised but still only half-awake when he starts to move. Slow rolls of his hips, hands sliding up and down your naked chest and you're sure he can feel how strong your heart is pounding beneath his fingertips.

“Mica-” Green meets blue and he smirks as you shut up, leans down to place a kiss on your waiting lips. “It's okay. _Let me_.”

So you do that. You let him take the lead and set the pace as he rides you.

At first he's slow enough for you lose track of time, it could have been minutes or hours, but it's still dark outside. The way he moves is just so _good_ that you can feel a faint prickling behind your eyes as you let them slide shut, alternating between holding his hips and rubbing your hands up and down his thighs, encouraging him. Lips parted, you're anything but quiet, sighs and little moans freely escaping you now.

His breath hitches once in a while and he moans and when your eyes meet again, he smiles and leans forward. You think it's to kiss you, but he's only putting down his hands next to your head for better leverage and before you know it, those grinding and rolling motions change into actual thrusts.

“Fuck!”, you curse between clenched teeth as he squeezes down on you just _so._ You wonder how long he has been awake before you and if he's laid by your side and fingered himself open and _oh_ , you groan at that thought.

Your hips meet his and you thrust up on his down motion and suddenly his arms buckle as he whimpers. You find yourself with an armful of Mica, panting and moaning right beside your ear. And then it's only rushed and hard thrusts, ones that have you pushing off the mattress and him bouncing in your lap as you both chase that primal relief.

He comes so hard he's still trembling when you hold him in your arms later, fingers carding through sweaty blond tresses, over the pierced ear lobes and past the bruised side of his neck. The way he reaches for your hand is clumsy and shows that he's barely awake, but he pulls it close enough so he can place a chaste kiss on the inside, right over one of the nastier burn scars.

Something stutters in your chest and you suddenly fall very, very still.

_Just what have you been thinking?_

Mica is fast asleep and snoring by the time that you slip out of bed, hurriedly collecting your clothes and shooting glances towards the bed. This hasn't been one of those quick fucks behind some tavern and it's bound to put you in trouble. It has happened before, the last time you have been foolish enough to indulge yourself with the idea of romance.

Alexa's panicked face flashes through your mind and you absent-mindedly rub at the scars in your palm before you slip out the door. Between the two of you and that ..shadow in her life, there's no room for romance and that's the one thought you cling to as you quietly head for the guest room.

x x x

“Are you ready to go or do you need another moment?" 

Your voice sounds calm, determined even and if anything, someone might think you're just tired or hungover. Nothing in your behaviour gives away how you feel, or at least that's what you hope.

Alexa's blue eyes are shining with unshed tears and she shakes her head. It's breaking her heart to leave the people she has let into her life, especially Senna, but it seems at least one of you remembers why you cannot stay, why it's always just the two of you. At least one of you sticks to the plan, no matter how hard it is to leave.

She spins on her heels and sniffles as she walks away, but she _does_ walk away, so you turn to address Senna.

“Tell Mica-” Her eyes snap over to meet yours and something sparks in them and you think- maybe she knows. Maybe she can read you better than your own sister can. But she doesn't say anything, simply cocks an eyebrow at you. “Tell him-”

_Tell him I'm sorry._

“Tell him to get well soon.”

It sounds empty even to your own ears, but she nods and then you're leaving, gritting your teeth so hard your entire jaw hurts. Knowing you've just managed to break your own heart.


End file.
